The College ESSAY is Here
***All Rough Drafts must be typed, double-spaced, and printed out with word count for each essay. You must complete this process for at least 2 essays. All 4 required, if you are applying to the UCs. (CW class must choose #7) See class for a specific schedule and the documents needed for peer review/editing. STEPS TO EXCELLENCE:
BRAINSTORMING: 3 PERSONALITY TESTS FOR FIGURING OUT YOUR STRENGTHS AND CHARACTER TRAITS and HOW THEY CONNECT TO YOUR CAREER/COLLEGE How do these traits/strengths/personality types factor in to your interests, challenges, successes? Create an anecdote for the top 5. Show how who you are connects to what you do and how you do it. How does this knowledge about you connect to the brainstorming activities and essay prompts? Complete these tests: Read DO WHAT YOU ARE (book) https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register http://www.personalitytype.com/career_quiz?type=1 https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test http://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths/VIA-Classification https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-matters-most/201405/myers-briggs-or-survey-character-strengths |
icons_classification_adult2_1.pdf | |
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copy_of_personal_statement_process.pdf | |
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uc-personal-questions-guide-freshman.pdf | |
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UCSB Personal Statement Workbook | |
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NO! I AM NOT THE COLLEGE ESSAY GUY. REALLY? REALLY!
GET THE BOOK FOR MORE EXCELLENT ADVICE!
Visit www.collegeessayguy.com for excellent resources and help!
GET THE BOOK FOR MORE EXCELLENT ADVICE!
Visit www.collegeessayguy.com for excellent resources and help!
“Vulnerability” TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
"And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection."
“How to Start a Movement” TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXMnDG3QzxE&t=2s
COMPLETE THESE EXERCISES:
"And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection."
“How to Start a Movement” TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXMnDG3QzxE&t=2s
COMPLETE THESE EXERCISES:
the_values_exercise.pdf | |
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the__feelings_and_needs__exercise_030916__2_.pdf | |
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College Admissions Essay Workbook | |
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personal_statement_workbook.doc | |
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click for objects-exercise https://www.collegeessayguy.com/cwiab-student-14-essence-objects-exercise
comprehensive_review_facts.pdf | |
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BOWLING
Every weekend, my family and I go to the bowling
alley. We either go to Lucky Strike in Orange County,
to 300 in Pasadena or the AMF Bowladrome in
Torrance. It’s been a tradition for us ever since I
turned 11. But here’s a secret: I’ve never bowled a
game in my life. I began going when I was 11 because
that’s when I was old enough to adroitly wipe down a
table and spray Windex on a window without making
a mess. Every Saturday night from 10pm to 4am, after
entering the bowling alley through a back door, my
parents dispatch my older sister Marlene and me to
the lanes armed with broomsticks.
“Try to clean around the bowlers,” she always says.
We always do.
In 2003 my family’s stability was put to the test when my
father suffered an accident: he was bitten by a horse and
unable to work for three years. Some months later my
year-old baby sister was hit by a car. My mother was our
only financial support, so we often ate Cup of Noodles
for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I prayed every night that
things got [sic] better but first they got worse. In the
eleventh grade my father suffered a muscle failure and
my mother was diagnosed with a tumor. Due to my
parents’ health problems I took on more responsibilities,
sometimes missing school to care for my younger sisters
and helping my father and mother at their work.
Unfortunately, I pushed myself so hard that I ended up
hurting myself, suffering a vein leakage in my brain. I was
the fighter, the protector, and now I found myself
needing someone to protect me. I was glad to have my
mother by my side because she gave the strength I
needed.
After some rest, I returned to school more focused than ever on
preparing for my future. I got involved in Leadership Council
where I’m now part of the civics committee, planning events such
as Day at the Park and school dances. I’ve also become a big
supporter of the Gay Straight Alliance that deals with anti-bullying,
and through this club I’ve given presentations that address
unfairness and promote equity. But perhaps my biggest support
system has come through the four years on my high school soccer
team, where my commitment and love for soccer won me the
captain position for the past two years.
I know I’m not like many students my age, but I’m happy with who I
am. I am the student who works on the weekends scrubbing
restrooms, carrying trash bags and mopping kitchen floors. I am
the student who won’t give a second thought to missing a party to
help my parents babysit my sisters or accompany them to a new
job. I know that one day I will not take my family to a bowling alley
to clean it but to enjoy it.
Dad’s Pancakes - Harvard University
In spite of the various extracurricular activities I’ve done and interesting people I’ve met, not one event or person has been more meaningful to me than my father’s preparation of breakfast. Every morning I wake up to the sounds of my father cooking breakfast. While lying in bed, I try to guess if the clank of a pan means scrambled eggs or maybe his specialty, banana pancakes. Waking up to nearly 7,000 such mornings, I have grown to admire my father’s dedication, a dedication that never falters even after hours of late-night work.
I readily applied this value of dedication when I was elected Vice-Chairman of the State Student Council. With the tremendous amount of work related to this position, there were numerous occasions when I found myself having to choose between reviewing Board of Education policies and going to the beach with friends. And whenever I felt myself beginning to vacillate, I was always reminded of my father’s unwavering dedication. I knew that the students who elected me depended on my dedication, and like my father’s daily commitment, I would not let them down.
Whenever I hear my father making breakfast I always hope that he is preparing his piece dérésistance, banana pancakes. My father’s pancakes are not generic “Bisquickies," but one-of-a-kind masterpieces. He uses scratch ingredients from hand-sifted flour to homegrown bananas. As I grew older I noticed that I also began to assume the same ambition toward life as my father has toward his pursuit of the perfect pancake.
In my freshman year I took an interest in film making and soon my goal was to own a video camera and recorder. To accomplish this goal I could both wait six months until Christmas and hope Santa could afford a new VCR or I could earn the money and buy it myself. My ambitious yearning took over and for the next three months of summer vacation I held a brush in one hand and a can of latex in the other as the hired painter of my grandmother’s house. Although the work was hard and tiring, by the end of the summer, I was able to earn the money to fulfill my goal. Having learned from my father to strive for success, I have since worked fervently but patiently to attain my goals in life.
After my father has flipped the last pancake, the best part of breakfast has arrived - consumption. As I devour the stack of scrumptious pancakes, I notice that my father has a bright smile across his face; I am not the only one to savor this moment. My father truly enjoys making my breakfast. My father’s joy from even the simplest things has been the model that I have tried to apply to my life every single day.
Failure to heed my father’s lesson was disastrous in my sophomore year when I decided it would be impressive to become a cross country runner. As I was running the three-mile course, I began to realize around the second mile that I did not particularly enjoy running. In fact I hated running. This painful experience reminded me of my father’s overarching aim to enjoy what he is doing. Since then I have chosen to excel in tennis and other activities, not for the prestige or status, but simply because I enjoy them.
My father completes the tradition of preparing breakfast by soaking the dirty pans in the sink. As he does, I think of how fortunate I am. Some people only have one meaningful event in their lives, but I have one every single morning.
Why This Essay Succeeded…
To find an original idea is not always easy. I spent several days just listing topic possibilities. On my list I wrote my father’s name since he was very influential. Under his name I outlined admirable qualities one of which was that he made me breakfast each morning. When I zeroed in on that aspect I realized how much care he put into my favorite—banana pancakes. Although I continued to brainstorm every time I looked at the list this one aspect - banana pancakes - kept drawing my attention.
That’s when I began to write. I am not a naturally good writer. It takes me many, many re-writes to be able to express on paper what is in my mind. I probably wrote this essay more than a dozen times. Each time it got a little better and more focused. When I thought it was just about perfect I shared with two of my favorite English teachers.
When I got back their comments I thought a bottle of red ink had exploded. Most importantly, they had the perspective of a first time reader. I was so close to the story that I didn’t realize there were sections that needed more explanation or transitions that weren’t smooth. This feedback was critical and I went through an additional half dozen re-writes.
It took about a month from the time I started brainstorming to the day I had a finished essay in hand. It really helped to be able to let the essay ferment. There were days that I thought it was perfect, only to re-read it a day later and find all sorts of problems. The best advice I have for writing an admission essay is to give yourself the time you need to discover your own masterpiece.
More College Admission Essays
SEE SEVERAL WAYS TO BEGIN THE ESSAY:
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/how-to-start-college-essay
What not to do: https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/personal-statement-introduction
ESSAY WITH TIPS:
Prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
The Scrapbook Essay
I look at the ticking, white clock: it’s eleven at night, my primetime. I clear the carpet of the Sony camera charger, the faded Levi’s, and last week’s Statistics homework. Having prepared my work space, I pull out the big, blue box and select two 12 by 12 crème sheets of paper. The layouts of the pages are already imprinted in my mind, so I simply draw them on scratch paper. Now I can really begin.
Cutting the first photograph, I make sure to leave a quarter inch border. I then paste it onto a polka-dotted green paper with a glue stick. For a sophisticated touch, I use needle and thread to sew the papers together. Loads of snipping and pasting later, the clock reads three in the morning. I look down at the final product, a full spread of photographs and cut-out shapes. As usual, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride as I brush my fingers over the crisp papers and the glossy photographs. For me, the act of taking pieces of my life and putting them together on a page is my way of organizing remnants of my past to make something whole and complete.
This particular project is the most valuable scrapbook I have ever made: the scrapbook of my life.
In the center of the first page are the words MY WORLD in periwinkle letters. The entire left side I have dedicated to the people in my life. All four of my Korean grandparents sit in the top corner; they are side by side on a sofa for my first birthday –my ddol. Underneath them are my seven cousins from my mom’s side. They freeze, trying not to let go of their overwhelming laughter while they play “red light, green light” at O’ Melveney Park, three miles up the hill behind my house. Meanwhile, my Texas cousins watch Daniel, the youngest, throw autumn leaves into the air that someone had spent hours raking up. To the right, my school peers and I miserably pose for our history teacher who could not resist taking a picture when he saw our droopy faces the morning of our first AP exam. The biggest photograph, of course, is that of my family, huddled in front of the fireplace while drinking my brother’s hot cocoa and listening to the pitter patter of rain outside our window.
I move over to the right side of the page. At the top, I have neatly sewn on three items. The first is a page of a Cambodian Bible that was given to each of the soldiers at a military base where I taught English. Beneath it is the picture of my Guatemalan girls and me sitting on the dirt ground while we devour arroz con pollo, red sauce slobbered all over our lips. I reread the third item, a short note that a student at a rural elementary school in Korea had struggled to write in her broken English. I lightly touch the little chain with a dangling letter E included with the note. Moving to the lower portion of the page, I see the photo of the shelf with all my ceramic projects glazed in vibrant hues. With great pride, I have added a clipping of my page from the Mirror, our school newspaper, next to the ticket stubs for Wicked from my date with Dad. I make sure to include a photo of my first scrapbook page of the visit to Hearst Castle in fifth grade.
After proudly looking at each detail, I turn to the next page, which I’ve labeled: AND BEYOND. Unlike the previous one, this page is not cluttered or crowded. There is my college diploma with the major listed as International Relations; however, the name of the school is obscure. A miniature map covers nearly half of the paper with numerous red stickers pinpointing locations all over the world, but I cannot recognize the countries’ names. The remainder of the page is a series of frames and borders with simple captions underneath. Without the photographs, the descriptions are cryptic.
For now, that second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future. The red flags on the map represent the places I will travel to, possibly to teach English like I did in Cambodia or to do charity work with children like I did in Guatemala. As for the empty frames, I hope to fill them with the people I will meet: a family of my own and the families I desire to help, through a career I have yet to decide. Until I am able to do all that, I can prepare. I am in the process of making the layout and gathering the materials so that I can start piecing together the next part, the next page of my life’s scrapbook.
ANALYSIS OF THE SCRAPBOOK ESSAY (OR) FIVE THINGS WE CAN STEAL FROM THIS ESSAY
A great thinker once said “Good artists borrow; great artists steal.” I’m not even going to tell you who said it; I’m stealing it.
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #33 Use objects and images instead of adjectives
Check out the opening paragraph of the Scrapbook essay again. It reads like the opening to a movie. Can you visualize what’s happening? That’s good. Take a look at the particular objects the writer chose:
I look at the ticking, white clock: it’s eleven at night, my primetime. I clear the carpet of the Sony camera charger, the faded Levi’s, and last week’s Statistics homework. Having prepared my work space, I pull out the big, blue box and select two 12 by 12 crème sheets of paper. The layouts of the pages are already imprinted in my mind, so I simply draw them on scratch paper. Now I can really begin.
Let’s zoom in on the “faded Levi’s.” What does "faded" suggest? (She keeps clothes for a long time; she likes to be comfortable.) What does "Levi's" suggest? (She's casual; she’s not fussy.) And why does she point out that they’re on the floor? (She's not obsessed with neatness.)
Every. Word. Counts.
Now re-read the sentence about her family:
The biggest photograph, of course, is that of my family, huddled in front of the fireplace while drinking my brother’s hot cocoa and listening to the pitter patter of rain outside our window.
What do these details tell us?
Quick: What essence image describes your family? Even if you have a non-traditional family–in fact, especially if you have a non-traditional family!–what image or objects represents your relationship?
Based on the image the writer uses, how would you describe her relationship with her family? Close? Warm? Intimate? Loving? Quiet? But think how much worse her essay would have been if she’d written: “I have a close, warm, intimate, loving, quiet relationship with my family.”
Terrible.
Instead, she describes an image of her family "huddled in front of the fireplace while drinking my brother’s hot cocoa and listening to the pitter patter of rain outside our window.” Three objects--fireplace, brother’s hot cocoa, sound of rain--and we get the whole picture of their relationship. We know all we need to know.
There’s another lesson here:
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #34 Engage the reader’s imagination using all five senses
This writer did. Did you notice?
Cutting the first photograph, I make sure to leave a quarter inch border. I then paste it onto a polka-dotted green paper with a glue stick. For a sophisticated touch, I use needle and thread to sew the papers together. Loads of snipping and pasting later, the clock reads three in the morning. I look down at the final product, a full spread of photographs and cut-out shapes. As usual, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride as I brush my fingers over the crisp papers and the glossy photographs. For me, the act of taking pieces of my life and putting them together on a page is my way of organizing remnants of my past to make something whole and complete.
The sentence in bold above is essentially her thesis. It explains the framework for the whole essay. She follows this sentence with:
This particular project is the most valuable scrapbook I have ever made: the scrapbook of my life.
Boom. Super clear. And we’re set-up for the rest of the essay. So here’s the third thing we can learn:
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #35 The set-up should be super clear
Even a personal statement can have a thesis. It’s important to remember that, though your ending can be somewhat ambiguous—something we’ll discuss more later—your set-up should give the reader a clear sense of where we’re headed. It doesn’t have to be obvious, and you can delay the thesis for a paragraph or two (as this writer does), but at some point in the first 100 words or so, we need to know we’re in good hands. We need to trust that this is going to be worth our time.
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #36 Show THEN Tell
Has your English teacher ever told you “Show, don’t tell?” That’s good advice, but for a college essay I believe it’s actually better to show THEN tell.
Why? Two reasons:
1.) Showing before telling gives your reader a chance to interpret the meaning of your images before you do. Why is this good? It provides a little suspense. Also, it engages the reader’s imagination. Take another look at the images in the second to last paragraph: my college diploma... a miniature map with numerous red stickers pinpointing locations all over the world... frames and borders without photographs... (Note that it's all "show.")
As we read, we wonder: what do all these objects mean? We have an idea, but we’re not certain. Then she TELLS us:
That second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future. The red flags on the map represent the places I will travel to, possibly to teach English like I did in Cambodia or to do charity work with children like I did in Guatemala. As for the empty frames, I hope to fill them with the people I will meet: a family of my own and the families I desire to help, through a career I have yet to decide.
Ah. Now we get it. She’s connected the dots.
2.) Showing then telling gives you an opportunity to set-up your essay for what I believe to be the single most important element to any personal statement: insight.
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #37 Provide insight
What is insight? In simple terms, it’s a deeper intuitive understanding of a person or thing.
But here’s a more useful definition for your college essay: Insight is something that you’ve noticed about the world that others may have missed. Insight answers the question: So what? It's proof that you’re a close observer of the world. That you’re sensitive to details. That you’re smart.
And the author of this essay doesn’t just give insight at the end of her essay, she does it at the beginning too: she begins with a description of herself creating a scrapbook (show), then follows this with a clear explanation for why she has just described this (tell).
Final note: it’s important to use insight judiciously. Not throughout your whole essay; a couple times will do.
Every weekend, my family and I go to the bowling
alley. We either go to Lucky Strike in Orange County,
to 300 in Pasadena or the AMF Bowladrome in
Torrance. It’s been a tradition for us ever since I
turned 11. But here’s a secret: I’ve never bowled a
game in my life. I began going when I was 11 because
that’s when I was old enough to adroitly wipe down a
table and spray Windex on a window without making
a mess. Every Saturday night from 10pm to 4am, after
entering the bowling alley through a back door, my
parents dispatch my older sister Marlene and me to
the lanes armed with broomsticks.
“Try to clean around the bowlers,” she always says.
We always do.
In 2003 my family’s stability was put to the test when my
father suffered an accident: he was bitten by a horse and
unable to work for three years. Some months later my
year-old baby sister was hit by a car. My mother was our
only financial support, so we often ate Cup of Noodles
for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I prayed every night that
things got [sic] better but first they got worse. In the
eleventh grade my father suffered a muscle failure and
my mother was diagnosed with a tumor. Due to my
parents’ health problems I took on more responsibilities,
sometimes missing school to care for my younger sisters
and helping my father and mother at their work.
Unfortunately, I pushed myself so hard that I ended up
hurting myself, suffering a vein leakage in my brain. I was
the fighter, the protector, and now I found myself
needing someone to protect me. I was glad to have my
mother by my side because she gave the strength I
needed.
After some rest, I returned to school more focused than ever on
preparing for my future. I got involved in Leadership Council
where I’m now part of the civics committee, planning events such
as Day at the Park and school dances. I’ve also become a big
supporter of the Gay Straight Alliance that deals with anti-bullying,
and through this club I’ve given presentations that address
unfairness and promote equity. But perhaps my biggest support
system has come through the four years on my high school soccer
team, where my commitment and love for soccer won me the
captain position for the past two years.
I know I’m not like many students my age, but I’m happy with who I
am. I am the student who works on the weekends scrubbing
restrooms, carrying trash bags and mopping kitchen floors. I am
the student who won’t give a second thought to missing a party to
help my parents babysit my sisters or accompany them to a new
job. I know that one day I will not take my family to a bowling alley
to clean it but to enjoy it.
Dad’s Pancakes - Harvard University
In spite of the various extracurricular activities I’ve done and interesting people I’ve met, not one event or person has been more meaningful to me than my father’s preparation of breakfast. Every morning I wake up to the sounds of my father cooking breakfast. While lying in bed, I try to guess if the clank of a pan means scrambled eggs or maybe his specialty, banana pancakes. Waking up to nearly 7,000 such mornings, I have grown to admire my father’s dedication, a dedication that never falters even after hours of late-night work.
I readily applied this value of dedication when I was elected Vice-Chairman of the State Student Council. With the tremendous amount of work related to this position, there were numerous occasions when I found myself having to choose between reviewing Board of Education policies and going to the beach with friends. And whenever I felt myself beginning to vacillate, I was always reminded of my father’s unwavering dedication. I knew that the students who elected me depended on my dedication, and like my father’s daily commitment, I would not let them down.
Whenever I hear my father making breakfast I always hope that he is preparing his piece dérésistance, banana pancakes. My father’s pancakes are not generic “Bisquickies," but one-of-a-kind masterpieces. He uses scratch ingredients from hand-sifted flour to homegrown bananas. As I grew older I noticed that I also began to assume the same ambition toward life as my father has toward his pursuit of the perfect pancake.
In my freshman year I took an interest in film making and soon my goal was to own a video camera and recorder. To accomplish this goal I could both wait six months until Christmas and hope Santa could afford a new VCR or I could earn the money and buy it myself. My ambitious yearning took over and for the next three months of summer vacation I held a brush in one hand and a can of latex in the other as the hired painter of my grandmother’s house. Although the work was hard and tiring, by the end of the summer, I was able to earn the money to fulfill my goal. Having learned from my father to strive for success, I have since worked fervently but patiently to attain my goals in life.
After my father has flipped the last pancake, the best part of breakfast has arrived - consumption. As I devour the stack of scrumptious pancakes, I notice that my father has a bright smile across his face; I am not the only one to savor this moment. My father truly enjoys making my breakfast. My father’s joy from even the simplest things has been the model that I have tried to apply to my life every single day.
Failure to heed my father’s lesson was disastrous in my sophomore year when I decided it would be impressive to become a cross country runner. As I was running the three-mile course, I began to realize around the second mile that I did not particularly enjoy running. In fact I hated running. This painful experience reminded me of my father’s overarching aim to enjoy what he is doing. Since then I have chosen to excel in tennis and other activities, not for the prestige or status, but simply because I enjoy them.
My father completes the tradition of preparing breakfast by soaking the dirty pans in the sink. As he does, I think of how fortunate I am. Some people only have one meaningful event in their lives, but I have one every single morning.
Why This Essay Succeeded…
To find an original idea is not always easy. I spent several days just listing topic possibilities. On my list I wrote my father’s name since he was very influential. Under his name I outlined admirable qualities one of which was that he made me breakfast each morning. When I zeroed in on that aspect I realized how much care he put into my favorite—banana pancakes. Although I continued to brainstorm every time I looked at the list this one aspect - banana pancakes - kept drawing my attention.
That’s when I began to write. I am not a naturally good writer. It takes me many, many re-writes to be able to express on paper what is in my mind. I probably wrote this essay more than a dozen times. Each time it got a little better and more focused. When I thought it was just about perfect I shared with two of my favorite English teachers.
When I got back their comments I thought a bottle of red ink had exploded. Most importantly, they had the perspective of a first time reader. I was so close to the story that I didn’t realize there were sections that needed more explanation or transitions that weren’t smooth. This feedback was critical and I went through an additional half dozen re-writes.
It took about a month from the time I started brainstorming to the day I had a finished essay in hand. It really helped to be able to let the essay ferment. There were days that I thought it was perfect, only to re-read it a day later and find all sorts of problems. The best advice I have for writing an admission essay is to give yourself the time you need to discover your own masterpiece.
More College Admission Essays
- SOME OF MR. VARIEUR'S DOS AND DONT'S=WORST ESSAYS EVER AND THE BEST I'VE SEEN: (class samples and discussion to follow)
- Know your audience: politics, religion, bias, the university, and avoid privilege.
- Avoid the cliche or overdone topics such as a loss, service work, travel, track, the BIG game/recital/audition/election (more samples in class) unless you can write beautifully and communicate something unexpected about you to your reader.
- Verisimilitude, authenticity, 10% rule, write what you know/be who you are.
- Take risks with creativity and vulnerability, but don't be obnoxious or offensive.
- Blunders/worst essays from past: SUPERMAN, SHORT HILLS POSSE, KNOCK KNOCK, SEE SAMPLES IN PACKETS, GREW A LOT-6”, PIANO, MUN and STUTTERING, CROSS COUNTRY AND RUNNING METAPHOR, TENNIS CHAMPIONSHIP, ASB and the winner is… or the touchdown pass in slow motion, volunteer phony experience like operating on a patient or saving a life, didn’t want to volunteer but glad I did…., Travel and landed and realized people were different, language, food, weather, DUH, 3 D’s-Discipline, Determination, Dedication...Diarrhea; I am ________ethnicity so…racism at Disneyland, Good at math, smarter, Dragon boating, etc.TYPICAL ASIAN …” “Cerritos Bubble…safest city…” Not unique which makes me unique…PITY ME…
- Best essays/topics from past: DIABLO, "I looked down…looked up," elite $ BBB/C++ take away my A, TUBA, Vacuum, Hording, Blind vs glasses, CONNIE's TOPICS, Chinese Harp, MUN and kicked out because… or dogfighting or put into action with CONNIE and stereo stolen example of her taking action against parents’ wishes…PASSION vs LIST/RESUME/BRAGGING-LEVELS-CHS FOOTBALL not winning a game is better than you are the star, Ran every year and lost but is still a leader-define leadership vs label, volunteering being not what you thought but one moment changed it all; Parents/you came here…YOUR ROLE/WHO ARE YOU/WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO IT? DNA genome allele for IBS…SPOILED, 1 LEG, Newspaper like a surgeon paper bleeding …BOYS STATE or 1 of a kind/Only one-SEE AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL POEM
- 10 Opening Lines from Stanford Admission Essays
- I change my name each time I place an order at Starbucks.
- When I was in the eighth grade I couldn't read.
- While traveling through the daily path of life, have you ever stumbled upon a hidden pocket of the universe?
- I have old hands.
- I was paralyzed from the waist down. I would try to move my leg or even shift an ankle but I never got a response. This was the first time thoughts of death ever cross my mind.
- I almost didn't live through September 11th, 2001.
- The spaghetti burbled and slushed around the pan, and as I stirred it, the noises it gave off began to sound increasingly like bodily functions.
- I have been surfing Lake Michigan since I was 3 years old.
- I stand on the riverbank surveying this rippled range like some riparian cowboy -instead of chaps, I wear vinyl, thigh-high waders and a lasso of measuring tape and twine is slung over my arm.
- I had never seen anyone get so excited about mitochondria.
SEE SEVERAL WAYS TO BEGIN THE ESSAY:
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/how-to-start-college-essay
What not to do: https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/personal-statement-introduction
- CLICK HERE TO SEE 35+ Best College Essay Tips from EXPERTS!!!! See some tips below:
- Hook the reader at the first sentence and
- Make connections to your growth and journey-don't worry about a happy ending
- Focus on growth
- Be concise
- Tell a great story
- VERBS!
- Describe, define, dare
- Anecdote, reflection, conclusion
- Into, trhough, beyond
- Focus on the moment within the moment
- Don't bury the lead
- Get personal-It's about YOU
- Write about what you CARE about
- Be real
- Add details and feelings=paintings
- Provide insight=Go deeper
- REVISE REVISE REVISE=EDIT and TRIM THE FAT
ESSAY WITH TIPS:
Prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
The Scrapbook Essay
I look at the ticking, white clock: it’s eleven at night, my primetime. I clear the carpet of the Sony camera charger, the faded Levi’s, and last week’s Statistics homework. Having prepared my work space, I pull out the big, blue box and select two 12 by 12 crème sheets of paper. The layouts of the pages are already imprinted in my mind, so I simply draw them on scratch paper. Now I can really begin.
Cutting the first photograph, I make sure to leave a quarter inch border. I then paste it onto a polka-dotted green paper with a glue stick. For a sophisticated touch, I use needle and thread to sew the papers together. Loads of snipping and pasting later, the clock reads three in the morning. I look down at the final product, a full spread of photographs and cut-out shapes. As usual, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride as I brush my fingers over the crisp papers and the glossy photographs. For me, the act of taking pieces of my life and putting them together on a page is my way of organizing remnants of my past to make something whole and complete.
This particular project is the most valuable scrapbook I have ever made: the scrapbook of my life.
In the center of the first page are the words MY WORLD in periwinkle letters. The entire left side I have dedicated to the people in my life. All four of my Korean grandparents sit in the top corner; they are side by side on a sofa for my first birthday –my ddol. Underneath them are my seven cousins from my mom’s side. They freeze, trying not to let go of their overwhelming laughter while they play “red light, green light” at O’ Melveney Park, three miles up the hill behind my house. Meanwhile, my Texas cousins watch Daniel, the youngest, throw autumn leaves into the air that someone had spent hours raking up. To the right, my school peers and I miserably pose for our history teacher who could not resist taking a picture when he saw our droopy faces the morning of our first AP exam. The biggest photograph, of course, is that of my family, huddled in front of the fireplace while drinking my brother’s hot cocoa and listening to the pitter patter of rain outside our window.
I move over to the right side of the page. At the top, I have neatly sewn on three items. The first is a page of a Cambodian Bible that was given to each of the soldiers at a military base where I taught English. Beneath it is the picture of my Guatemalan girls and me sitting on the dirt ground while we devour arroz con pollo, red sauce slobbered all over our lips. I reread the third item, a short note that a student at a rural elementary school in Korea had struggled to write in her broken English. I lightly touch the little chain with a dangling letter E included with the note. Moving to the lower portion of the page, I see the photo of the shelf with all my ceramic projects glazed in vibrant hues. With great pride, I have added a clipping of my page from the Mirror, our school newspaper, next to the ticket stubs for Wicked from my date with Dad. I make sure to include a photo of my first scrapbook page of the visit to Hearst Castle in fifth grade.
After proudly looking at each detail, I turn to the next page, which I’ve labeled: AND BEYOND. Unlike the previous one, this page is not cluttered or crowded. There is my college diploma with the major listed as International Relations; however, the name of the school is obscure. A miniature map covers nearly half of the paper with numerous red stickers pinpointing locations all over the world, but I cannot recognize the countries’ names. The remainder of the page is a series of frames and borders with simple captions underneath. Without the photographs, the descriptions are cryptic.
For now, that second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future. The red flags on the map represent the places I will travel to, possibly to teach English like I did in Cambodia or to do charity work with children like I did in Guatemala. As for the empty frames, I hope to fill them with the people I will meet: a family of my own and the families I desire to help, through a career I have yet to decide. Until I am able to do all that, I can prepare. I am in the process of making the layout and gathering the materials so that I can start piecing together the next part, the next page of my life’s scrapbook.
ANALYSIS OF THE SCRAPBOOK ESSAY (OR) FIVE THINGS WE CAN STEAL FROM THIS ESSAY
A great thinker once said “Good artists borrow; great artists steal.” I’m not even going to tell you who said it; I’m stealing it.
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #33 Use objects and images instead of adjectives
Check out the opening paragraph of the Scrapbook essay again. It reads like the opening to a movie. Can you visualize what’s happening? That’s good. Take a look at the particular objects the writer chose:
I look at the ticking, white clock: it’s eleven at night, my primetime. I clear the carpet of the Sony camera charger, the faded Levi’s, and last week’s Statistics homework. Having prepared my work space, I pull out the big, blue box and select two 12 by 12 crème sheets of paper. The layouts of the pages are already imprinted in my mind, so I simply draw them on scratch paper. Now I can really begin.
Let’s zoom in on the “faded Levi’s.” What does "faded" suggest? (She keeps clothes for a long time; she likes to be comfortable.) What does "Levi's" suggest? (She's casual; she’s not fussy.) And why does she point out that they’re on the floor? (She's not obsessed with neatness.)
Every. Word. Counts.
Now re-read the sentence about her family:
The biggest photograph, of course, is that of my family, huddled in front of the fireplace while drinking my brother’s hot cocoa and listening to the pitter patter of rain outside our window.
What do these details tell us?
- The biggest photograph: Why “biggest"? (Family is really important to her.)
- Fireplace: What does a fireplace connote? (Warmth, closeness.)
- My brother's hot cocoa: Why hot cocoa? (Again, warmth.) And why “my brother’s” hot cocoa? Why not “mom’s lemonade”? How is the fact that her brother made it change the image? (It implies that her brother is engaged in the family activity.) Do you think she likes her brother? Would your brother make hot cocoa for you? And finally:
- Listening to rain: Why not watching TV? What does it tell you about this family that they sit and listen to rain together?
Quick: What essence image describes your family? Even if you have a non-traditional family–in fact, especially if you have a non-traditional family!–what image or objects represents your relationship?
Based on the image the writer uses, how would you describe her relationship with her family? Close? Warm? Intimate? Loving? Quiet? But think how much worse her essay would have been if she’d written: “I have a close, warm, intimate, loving, quiet relationship with my family.”
Terrible.
Instead, she describes an image of her family "huddled in front of the fireplace while drinking my brother’s hot cocoa and listening to the pitter patter of rain outside our window.” Three objects--fireplace, brother’s hot cocoa, sound of rain--and we get the whole picture of their relationship. We know all we need to know.
There’s another lesson here:
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #34 Engage the reader’s imagination using all five senses
This writer did. Did you notice?
- Fireplace (feel)
- Brother’s hot cocoa (taste, smell)
- Pitter patter of rain (sound)
- Biggest photograph (sight)
Cutting the first photograph, I make sure to leave a quarter inch border. I then paste it onto a polka-dotted green paper with a glue stick. For a sophisticated touch, I use needle and thread to sew the papers together. Loads of snipping and pasting later, the clock reads three in the morning. I look down at the final product, a full spread of photographs and cut-out shapes. As usual, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride as I brush my fingers over the crisp papers and the glossy photographs. For me, the act of taking pieces of my life and putting them together on a page is my way of organizing remnants of my past to make something whole and complete.
The sentence in bold above is essentially her thesis. It explains the framework for the whole essay. She follows this sentence with:
This particular project is the most valuable scrapbook I have ever made: the scrapbook of my life.
Boom. Super clear. And we’re set-up for the rest of the essay. So here’s the third thing we can learn:
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #35 The set-up should be super clear
Even a personal statement can have a thesis. It’s important to remember that, though your ending can be somewhat ambiguous—something we’ll discuss more later—your set-up should give the reader a clear sense of where we’re headed. It doesn’t have to be obvious, and you can delay the thesis for a paragraph or two (as this writer does), but at some point in the first 100 words or so, we need to know we’re in good hands. We need to trust that this is going to be worth our time.
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #36 Show THEN Tell
Has your English teacher ever told you “Show, don’t tell?” That’s good advice, but for a college essay I believe it’s actually better to show THEN tell.
Why? Two reasons:
1.) Showing before telling gives your reader a chance to interpret the meaning of your images before you do. Why is this good? It provides a little suspense. Also, it engages the reader’s imagination. Take another look at the images in the second to last paragraph: my college diploma... a miniature map with numerous red stickers pinpointing locations all over the world... frames and borders without photographs... (Note that it's all "show.")
As we read, we wonder: what do all these objects mean? We have an idea, but we’re not certain. Then she TELLS us:
That second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future. The red flags on the map represent the places I will travel to, possibly to teach English like I did in Cambodia or to do charity work with children like I did in Guatemala. As for the empty frames, I hope to fill them with the people I will meet: a family of my own and the families I desire to help, through a career I have yet to decide.
Ah. Now we get it. She’s connected the dots.
2.) Showing then telling gives you an opportunity to set-up your essay for what I believe to be the single most important element to any personal statement: insight.
COLLEGE ESSAY TIP #37 Provide insight
What is insight? In simple terms, it’s a deeper intuitive understanding of a person or thing.
But here’s a more useful definition for your college essay: Insight is something that you’ve noticed about the world that others may have missed. Insight answers the question: So what? It's proof that you’re a close observer of the world. That you’re sensitive to details. That you’re smart.
And the author of this essay doesn’t just give insight at the end of her essay, she does it at the beginning too: she begins with a description of herself creating a scrapbook (show), then follows this with a clear explanation for why she has just described this (tell).
Final note: it’s important to use insight judiciously. Not throughout your whole essay; a couple times will do.
ESSAY STRUCTURE IDEAS:
THE FOUR TYPES OF COLLEGE ESSAYS ABOVE CAN BE FOUND AT https://www.collegeessayguy.com/cwiab-student-16-four-types-of-college-essays
AFTER YOU CHOOSE THE PROMPTS AND YOU'VE WRITTEN A FEW VERSIONS, CHOOSE AN ESSAY STRUCTURE?
OVERCOMING A CHALLENGE? NARRATIVE? MONTAGE?
OTHER STRUCTURES: FRAME STORY/IMAGE/OBJECT? PROBLEM OPENING/SOLVE AT END? QUESTION/ANSWER? SHOW THEN TELL? CONCRETE TO ABSTRACT OR VISA VERSA?
***SEE THE STRUCTURE FOR THE ARCHETYPAL HERO STORY BELOW. WHAT IS YOUR CALLING? DID YOU RESIST THE CALL? WHAT OBSTACLES DID YOU HAVE TO OVERCOME? HOW DID YOU CHANGE/GROW? RETURN=YOU NOW?
Listen to sample essays: Talent/Skill (drums) see handout/Mr. V will read, Narrative/Challenge (debate), and Montage/Career (endodontics).
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/podcast-stream/using-the-secrets-of-screenwriting-to-write-your-college-essay
Jonathan Bailey (Stanford Essay): Voice? Hardship? Passion? Verisimilitude? Is it really about drums? Do you like the writer?
Hero: Status quo-painfully shy. packets=essence object. Raising stakes= parents / stuff she tries and failed. CALL: Joined a debate club=inciting incident. Resisting call. Debate team helped her develop traits/values/skills. Who you are connects to who you want to be. New status quo-before/after at white board. Conclusion= so what??? You now =values/goal/career. Connection to world. 38 parallel metaphor. Her want was to overcome the shyness. Need is to accept both parts including shy.
Montage-not cause/effect. Events are connected by theme. Endodontics. "As a kid I was always curious...."details-Show not tell. Career was pushing his career choice. All these lists connect to career. Skills/qualities needed for a great endodontist. Examples of each skill/value? Objects. Unusual/surprising values for that career? Amazing human=super powers/traits/strengths.
AFTER YOU CHOOSE THE PROMPTS AND YOU'VE WRITTEN A FEW VERSIONS, CHOOSE AN ESSAY STRUCTURE?
OVERCOMING A CHALLENGE? NARRATIVE? MONTAGE?
OTHER STRUCTURES: FRAME STORY/IMAGE/OBJECT? PROBLEM OPENING/SOLVE AT END? QUESTION/ANSWER? SHOW THEN TELL? CONCRETE TO ABSTRACT OR VISA VERSA?
***SEE THE STRUCTURE FOR THE ARCHETYPAL HERO STORY BELOW. WHAT IS YOUR CALLING? DID YOU RESIST THE CALL? WHAT OBSTACLES DID YOU HAVE TO OVERCOME? HOW DID YOU CHANGE/GROW? RETURN=YOU NOW?
Listen to sample essays: Talent/Skill (drums) see handout/Mr. V will read, Narrative/Challenge (debate), and Montage/Career (endodontics).
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/podcast-stream/using-the-secrets-of-screenwriting-to-write-your-college-essay
Jonathan Bailey (Stanford Essay): Voice? Hardship? Passion? Verisimilitude? Is it really about drums? Do you like the writer?
Hero: Status quo-painfully shy. packets=essence object. Raising stakes= parents / stuff she tries and failed. CALL: Joined a debate club=inciting incident. Resisting call. Debate team helped her develop traits/values/skills. Who you are connects to who you want to be. New status quo-before/after at white board. Conclusion= so what??? You now =values/goal/career. Connection to world. 38 parallel metaphor. Her want was to overcome the shyness. Need is to accept both parts including shy.
Montage-not cause/effect. Events are connected by theme. Endodontics. "As a kid I was always curious...."details-Show not tell. Career was pushing his career choice. All these lists connect to career. Skills/qualities needed for a great endodontist. Examples of each skill/value? Objects. Unusual/surprising values for that career? Amazing human=super powers/traits/strengths.
ENDODONTICS ESSAY (montage):
As a kid I was always curious. I was unafraid to ask questions and didn’t worry how dumb they would make me sound. In second grade I enrolled in a summer science program and built a solar-powered oven that baked real cookies. I remember obsessing over the smallest details: Should I paint the oven black to absorb more heat? What about its shape? A spherical shape would allow for more volume, but would it trap heat as well as conventional rectangular ovens? Even then I was obsessed with the details of design.
And it didn’t stop in second grade.
A few years later I designed my first pair of shoes, working for hours to perfect each detail, including whether the laces should be mineral white or diamond white. Even then I sensed that minor differences in tonality could make a huge impact and that different colors could evoke different responses.
In high school I moved on to more advanced projects, teaching myself how to take apart, repair, and customize cell phones. Whether I was adjusting the flex cords that connect the IPS LCD to the iPhone motherboard, or replacing the vibrator motor, I loved discovering the many engineering feats Apple overcame in its efforts to combine form with function.
And once I obtained my driver’s license, I began working on cars. Many nights you’ll find me in the garage replacing standard chrome trim with an elegant piano black finish or changing the threads on the stitching of the seats to add a personal touch, as I believe a few small changes can transform a generic product into a personalized work of art.
My love of details applies to my schoolwork too.
I’m the math geek who marvels at the fundamental theorems of Calculus, or who sees beauty in A=(s(s-a)(s-b)(s-c))^(1/2). Again, it’s in the details: one bracket off or one digit missing and the whole equation collapses. And details are more than details, they can mean the difference between negative and positive infinity, an impossible range of solutions.
I also love sharing this appreciation with others and have taken it upon myself to personally eradicate mathonumophobiconfundosis, my Calculus teacher’s term for “extreme fear of Math.” A small group of other students and I have devoted our after-school time to tutoring our peers in everything from Pre-Algebra to AP Calculus B/C and I believe my fluency in Hebrew and Farsi has helped me connect with some of my school’s Israeli and Iranian students. There’s nothing better than seeing a student solve a difficult problem without me saying anything.
You probably think I want to be a designer. Or perhaps an engineer?
Wrong. Well, kind of.
Actually, I want to study Endodontics, which is (I’ll save you the Wikipedia look-up) a branch of dentistry that deals with the tooth pulp and the tissues surrounding the root of a tooth. As an Endodontist, I’ll be working to repair damaged teeth by performing precision root canals and implementing dental crowns. Sound exciting? It is to me.
The fact is, it’s not unlike the work I’ve been doing repairing cellphone circuits and modifying cars, though there is one small difference. In the future I’ll still be working to repair machines, but this machine is one of the most sophisticated machines ever created: the human body. Here, my obsession with details will be as crucial as ever. A one millimeter difference can mean the difference between a successful root canal and a lawsuit.
The question is: will the toothbrushes I hand out be mineral white or diamond white?
(Word count: 598)
WITH DEBATE ESSAY (Narrative/story structure)
The clock was remarkably slow as I sat, legs tightly crossed, squirming at my desk. “Just raise your hand,” my mind pleaded, “ask.” But despite my urgent need to visit the restroom, I remained seated, begging time to move faster. You see, I was that type of kid to eat French Fries dry because I couldn’t confront the McDonalds cashier for some Heinz packets. I was also the type to sit crying in front of school instead of asking the office if it could check on my late ride. Essentially, I chose to struggle through a problem if the solution involved speaking out against it.
My diffidence was frustrating. My parents relied on me, the only one able to speak English, to guide them, and always anticipated the best from me. However, as calls for help grew, the more defunct I became. I felt that every move I made, it was a gamble between success and failure. For me, the fear of failure and disappointment far outweighed the possibility of triumph, so I took no action and chose to silently suffer under pressure.
Near meltdown, I knew something needed to be done. Mustering up the little courage I had, I sought ways to break out of my shell—without luck. Recreational art classes ended in three boring months. I gave up Self Defense after embarrassing myself in class. After-school band, library volunteering, and book clubs ended similarly. Continued effort yielded nothing.
Disillusioned and wrung dry of ideas, I followed my mom’s advice and joined a debate club. As expected, the club only reaffirmed my self-doubt. Eye contact? Greater volume? No thanks.
But soon, the club moved on from “how to make a speech” lessons to the exploration of argumentation. We were taught to speak the language of Persuasion, and play the game of Debate. Eventually, I fell in love with it all.
By high school, I joined the school debate team, began socializing, and was even elected to head several clubs. I developed critical and analytical thinking skills, and learned how to think and speak spontaneously.
I became proud and confident. Moreover, I became eager to play my role in the family, and family relations strengthened. In fact, nowadays, my parents are interested in my school’s newest gossip.
Four years with debate, and now I’m the kid up at the white board; the kid leading discussions; and the kid standing up for her beliefs.
More importantly, I now confront issues instead of avoiding them. It is exciting to discover solutions to problems that affect others, as I was able to do as part of the 1st Place team for the 2010 United Nations Global Debates Program on climate change and poverty. I take a natural interest in global issues, and plan to become a foreign affairs analyst or diplomat by studying international affairs with a focus on national identity.
In particular, I am interested in the North-South Korean tension. What irreconcilable differences have prompted a civilization to separate? Policy implications remain vague, and sovereignty theories have their limits—how do we determine what compromises are to be made? And on a personal level, why did my grandfather have to flee from his destroyed North Korean hometown--and why does it matter?
I see a reflection of myself in the divide at the 38th parallel because I see one part isolating itself in defense to outside threats, and another part coming out to face the world as one of the fastest- developing nations. Just as my shy persona before debate and extroverted character after debate are both part of who I am, the Korean civilization is also one. And just as my parents expect much from me, the first of my family to attend college, I have grand expectations for this field of study.
(Word count: 630)
Dad’s Pancakes - Harvard University
In spite of the various extracurricular activities I’ve done and interesting people I’ve met, not one event or person has been more meaningful to me than my father’s preparation of breakfast. Every morning I wake up to the sounds of my father cooking breakfast. While lying in bed, I try to guess if the clank of a pan means scrambled eggs or maybe his specialty, banana pancakes. Waking up to nearly 7,000 such mornings, I have grown to admire my father’s dedication, a dedication that never falters even after hours of late-night work.
I readily applied this value of dedication when I was elected Vice-Chairman of the State Student Council. With the tremendous amount of work related to this position, there were numerous occasions when I found myself having to choose between reviewing Board of Education policies and going to the beach with friends. And whenever I felt myself beginning to vacillate, I was always reminded of my father’s unwavering dedication. I knew that the students who elected me depended on my dedication, and like my father’s daily commitment, I would not let them down.
Whenever I hear my father making breakfast I always hope that he is preparing his piece dérésistance, banana pancakes. My father’s pancakes are not generic “Bisquickies," but one-of-a-kind masterpieces. He uses scratch ingredients from hand-sifted flour to homegrown bananas. As I grew older I noticed that I also began to assume the same ambition toward life as my father has toward his pursuit of the perfect pancake.
In my freshman year I took an interest in film making and soon my goal was to own a video camera and recorder. To accomplish this goal I could both wait six months until Christmas and hope Santa could afford a new VCR or I could earn the money and buy it myself. My ambitious yearning took over and for the next three months of summer vacation I held a brush in one hand and a can of latex in the other as the hired painter of my grandmother’s house. Although the work was hard and tiring, by the end of the summer, I was able to earn the money to fulfill my goal. Having learned from my father to strive for success, I have since worked fervently but patiently to attain my goals in life.
After my father has flipped the last pancake, the best part of breakfast has arrived - consumption. As I devour the stack of scrumptious pancakes, I notice that my father has a bright smile across his face; I am not the only one to savor this moment. My father truly enjoys making my breakfast. My father’s joy from even the simplest things has been the model that I have tried to apply to my life every single day.
Failure to heed my father’s lesson was disastrous in my sophomore year when I decided it would be impressive to become a cross country runner. As I was running the three-mile course, I began to realize around the second mile that I did not particularly enjoy running. In fact I hated running. This painful experience reminded me of my father’s overarching aim to enjoy what he is doing. Since then I have chosen to excel in tennis and other activities, not for the prestige or status, but simply because I enjoy them.
My father completes the tradition of preparing breakfast by soaking the dirty pans in the sink. As he does, I think of how fortunate I am. Some people only have one meaningful event in their lives, but I have one every single morning.
Why This Essay Succeeded…
Since this is my (Gen’s) essay I’d like to give you a behind-the-scenes look at how and why I wrote it.
To find an original idea is not always easy. I spent several days just listing topic possibilities. On my list I wrote my father’s name since he was very influential. Under his name I outlined admirable qualities one of which was that he made me breakfast each morning. When I zeroed in on that aspect I realized how much care he put into my favorite—banana pancakes. Although I continued to brainstorm every time I looked at the list this one aspect - banana pancakes - kept drawing my attention.
That’s when I began to write. I am not a naturally good writer. It takes me many, many re-writes to be able to express on paper what is in my mind. I probably wrote this essay more than a dozen times. Each time it got a little better and more focused. When I thought it was just about perfect I shared with two of my favorite English teachers.
When I got back their comments I thought a bottle of red ink had exploded. Most importantly, they had the perspective of a first time reader. I was so close to the story that I didn’t realize there were sections that needed more explanation or transitions that weren’t smooth. This feedback was critical and I went through an additional half dozen re-writes.
It took about a month from the time I started brainstorming to the day I had a finished essay in hand. It really helped to be able to let the essay ferment. There were days that I thought it was perfect, only to re-read it a day later and find all sorts of problems. The best advice I have for writing an admission essay is to give yourself the time you need to discover your own masterpiece.
Admission Essays to Harvard University - Admission Essays to Harvard University - Admission Essays to Harvard University - Admission Essays to Harvard University
As a kid I was always curious. I was unafraid to ask questions and didn’t worry how dumb they would make me sound. In second grade I enrolled in a summer science program and built a solar-powered oven that baked real cookies. I remember obsessing over the smallest details: Should I paint the oven black to absorb more heat? What about its shape? A spherical shape would allow for more volume, but would it trap heat as well as conventional rectangular ovens? Even then I was obsessed with the details of design.
And it didn’t stop in second grade.
A few years later I designed my first pair of shoes, working for hours to perfect each detail, including whether the laces should be mineral white or diamond white. Even then I sensed that minor differences in tonality could make a huge impact and that different colors could evoke different responses.
In high school I moved on to more advanced projects, teaching myself how to take apart, repair, and customize cell phones. Whether I was adjusting the flex cords that connect the IPS LCD to the iPhone motherboard, or replacing the vibrator motor, I loved discovering the many engineering feats Apple overcame in its efforts to combine form with function.
And once I obtained my driver’s license, I began working on cars. Many nights you’ll find me in the garage replacing standard chrome trim with an elegant piano black finish or changing the threads on the stitching of the seats to add a personal touch, as I believe a few small changes can transform a generic product into a personalized work of art.
My love of details applies to my schoolwork too.
I’m the math geek who marvels at the fundamental theorems of Calculus, or who sees beauty in A=(s(s-a)(s-b)(s-c))^(1/2). Again, it’s in the details: one bracket off or one digit missing and the whole equation collapses. And details are more than details, they can mean the difference between negative and positive infinity, an impossible range of solutions.
I also love sharing this appreciation with others and have taken it upon myself to personally eradicate mathonumophobiconfundosis, my Calculus teacher’s term for “extreme fear of Math.” A small group of other students and I have devoted our after-school time to tutoring our peers in everything from Pre-Algebra to AP Calculus B/C and I believe my fluency in Hebrew and Farsi has helped me connect with some of my school’s Israeli and Iranian students. There’s nothing better than seeing a student solve a difficult problem without me saying anything.
You probably think I want to be a designer. Or perhaps an engineer?
Wrong. Well, kind of.
Actually, I want to study Endodontics, which is (I’ll save you the Wikipedia look-up) a branch of dentistry that deals with the tooth pulp and the tissues surrounding the root of a tooth. As an Endodontist, I’ll be working to repair damaged teeth by performing precision root canals and implementing dental crowns. Sound exciting? It is to me.
The fact is, it’s not unlike the work I’ve been doing repairing cellphone circuits and modifying cars, though there is one small difference. In the future I’ll still be working to repair machines, but this machine is one of the most sophisticated machines ever created: the human body. Here, my obsession with details will be as crucial as ever. A one millimeter difference can mean the difference between a successful root canal and a lawsuit.
The question is: will the toothbrushes I hand out be mineral white or diamond white?
(Word count: 598)
WITH DEBATE ESSAY (Narrative/story structure)
The clock was remarkably slow as I sat, legs tightly crossed, squirming at my desk. “Just raise your hand,” my mind pleaded, “ask.” But despite my urgent need to visit the restroom, I remained seated, begging time to move faster. You see, I was that type of kid to eat French Fries dry because I couldn’t confront the McDonalds cashier for some Heinz packets. I was also the type to sit crying in front of school instead of asking the office if it could check on my late ride. Essentially, I chose to struggle through a problem if the solution involved speaking out against it.
My diffidence was frustrating. My parents relied on me, the only one able to speak English, to guide them, and always anticipated the best from me. However, as calls for help grew, the more defunct I became. I felt that every move I made, it was a gamble between success and failure. For me, the fear of failure and disappointment far outweighed the possibility of triumph, so I took no action and chose to silently suffer under pressure.
Near meltdown, I knew something needed to be done. Mustering up the little courage I had, I sought ways to break out of my shell—without luck. Recreational art classes ended in three boring months. I gave up Self Defense after embarrassing myself in class. After-school band, library volunteering, and book clubs ended similarly. Continued effort yielded nothing.
Disillusioned and wrung dry of ideas, I followed my mom’s advice and joined a debate club. As expected, the club only reaffirmed my self-doubt. Eye contact? Greater volume? No thanks.
But soon, the club moved on from “how to make a speech” lessons to the exploration of argumentation. We were taught to speak the language of Persuasion, and play the game of Debate. Eventually, I fell in love with it all.
By high school, I joined the school debate team, began socializing, and was even elected to head several clubs. I developed critical and analytical thinking skills, and learned how to think and speak spontaneously.
I became proud and confident. Moreover, I became eager to play my role in the family, and family relations strengthened. In fact, nowadays, my parents are interested in my school’s newest gossip.
Four years with debate, and now I’m the kid up at the white board; the kid leading discussions; and the kid standing up for her beliefs.
More importantly, I now confront issues instead of avoiding them. It is exciting to discover solutions to problems that affect others, as I was able to do as part of the 1st Place team for the 2010 United Nations Global Debates Program on climate change and poverty. I take a natural interest in global issues, and plan to become a foreign affairs analyst or diplomat by studying international affairs with a focus on national identity.
In particular, I am interested in the North-South Korean tension. What irreconcilable differences have prompted a civilization to separate? Policy implications remain vague, and sovereignty theories have their limits—how do we determine what compromises are to be made? And on a personal level, why did my grandfather have to flee from his destroyed North Korean hometown--and why does it matter?
I see a reflection of myself in the divide at the 38th parallel because I see one part isolating itself in defense to outside threats, and another part coming out to face the world as one of the fastest- developing nations. Just as my shy persona before debate and extroverted character after debate are both part of who I am, the Korean civilization is also one. And just as my parents expect much from me, the first of my family to attend college, I have grand expectations for this field of study.
(Word count: 630)
Dad’s Pancakes - Harvard University
In spite of the various extracurricular activities I’ve done and interesting people I’ve met, not one event or person has been more meaningful to me than my father’s preparation of breakfast. Every morning I wake up to the sounds of my father cooking breakfast. While lying in bed, I try to guess if the clank of a pan means scrambled eggs or maybe his specialty, banana pancakes. Waking up to nearly 7,000 such mornings, I have grown to admire my father’s dedication, a dedication that never falters even after hours of late-night work.
I readily applied this value of dedication when I was elected Vice-Chairman of the State Student Council. With the tremendous amount of work related to this position, there were numerous occasions when I found myself having to choose between reviewing Board of Education policies and going to the beach with friends. And whenever I felt myself beginning to vacillate, I was always reminded of my father’s unwavering dedication. I knew that the students who elected me depended on my dedication, and like my father’s daily commitment, I would not let them down.
Whenever I hear my father making breakfast I always hope that he is preparing his piece dérésistance, banana pancakes. My father’s pancakes are not generic “Bisquickies," but one-of-a-kind masterpieces. He uses scratch ingredients from hand-sifted flour to homegrown bananas. As I grew older I noticed that I also began to assume the same ambition toward life as my father has toward his pursuit of the perfect pancake.
In my freshman year I took an interest in film making and soon my goal was to own a video camera and recorder. To accomplish this goal I could both wait six months until Christmas and hope Santa could afford a new VCR or I could earn the money and buy it myself. My ambitious yearning took over and for the next three months of summer vacation I held a brush in one hand and a can of latex in the other as the hired painter of my grandmother’s house. Although the work was hard and tiring, by the end of the summer, I was able to earn the money to fulfill my goal. Having learned from my father to strive for success, I have since worked fervently but patiently to attain my goals in life.
After my father has flipped the last pancake, the best part of breakfast has arrived - consumption. As I devour the stack of scrumptious pancakes, I notice that my father has a bright smile across his face; I am not the only one to savor this moment. My father truly enjoys making my breakfast. My father’s joy from even the simplest things has been the model that I have tried to apply to my life every single day.
Failure to heed my father’s lesson was disastrous in my sophomore year when I decided it would be impressive to become a cross country runner. As I was running the three-mile course, I began to realize around the second mile that I did not particularly enjoy running. In fact I hated running. This painful experience reminded me of my father’s overarching aim to enjoy what he is doing. Since then I have chosen to excel in tennis and other activities, not for the prestige or status, but simply because I enjoy them.
My father completes the tradition of preparing breakfast by soaking the dirty pans in the sink. As he does, I think of how fortunate I am. Some people only have one meaningful event in their lives, but I have one every single morning.
Why This Essay Succeeded…
Since this is my (Gen’s) essay I’d like to give you a behind-the-scenes look at how and why I wrote it.
To find an original idea is not always easy. I spent several days just listing topic possibilities. On my list I wrote my father’s name since he was very influential. Under his name I outlined admirable qualities one of which was that he made me breakfast each morning. When I zeroed in on that aspect I realized how much care he put into my favorite—banana pancakes. Although I continued to brainstorm every time I looked at the list this one aspect - banana pancakes - kept drawing my attention.
That’s when I began to write. I am not a naturally good writer. It takes me many, many re-writes to be able to express on paper what is in my mind. I probably wrote this essay more than a dozen times. Each time it got a little better and more focused. When I thought it was just about perfect I shared with two of my favorite English teachers.
When I got back their comments I thought a bottle of red ink had exploded. Most importantly, they had the perspective of a first time reader. I was so close to the story that I didn’t realize there were sections that needed more explanation or transitions that weren’t smooth. This feedback was critical and I went through an additional half dozen re-writes.
It took about a month from the time I started brainstorming to the day I had a finished essay in hand. It really helped to be able to let the essay ferment. There were days that I thought it was perfect, only to re-read it a day later and find all sorts of problems. The best advice I have for writing an admission essay is to give yourself the time you need to discover your own masterpiece.
Admission Essays to Harvard University - Admission Essays to Harvard University - Admission Essays to Harvard University - Admission Essays to Harvard University
See "Barbie" and "Kimchi" essays in the personal statements pdf below. Click the link to read 17 UC Essay samples for the 8 prompts.
personal_statements.pdf | |
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UC ESSAY SAMPLES CLICK HERE
7_samples.pdf | |
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ceg_-_the_great_college_essay_test__1_.pdf | |
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UC Peer Response 1 | |
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insightquestions.pdf | |
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THE QUESTIONS/PROMPTS:
PERSONAL INSIGHT QUESTIONS
http://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/counselors/q-and-a/personal-questions/index.html
http://admissions.berkeley.edu/personalstatement
https://www.apstudynotes.org/uc-berkeley/
http://www.essayhell.com/2016/03/21-tips-for-uc-personal-insight-questions-and-essays/
CLICK TO SEE NEW UC PROMPTS
PERSONAL INSIGHT QUESTIONS
http://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/counselors/q-and-a/personal-questions/index.html
http://admissions.berkeley.edu/personalstatement
https://www.apstudynotes.org/uc-berkeley/
http://www.essayhell.com/2016/03/21-tips-for-uc-personal-insight-questions-and-essays/
CLICK TO SEE NEW UC PROMPTS
2017_common_app_prompts.docx | |
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2017_personal_insight_questions_directions.docx | |
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Personal insight Questions (NOTES FROM 2017)
The Essay Process (50 pts. See due dates on board):
1) What did you discover through this process? What makes you most proud?
2) How did you improve as a writer? Explain with specific examples.
3) What areas in your writing still need work? What was the most difficult skill/concept to master?
4) What problem(s) did you have with your essays and how did you eventually fix it? Be specific.
5) How did reading other essays, grading other essays, and listening to advice from Mr. Varieur, this website, and others help you write a better essay (think voice, style, substance, credibility, structure, word limit, frame, lens, verbs, writing concisely, imitating, active vs passive, "killing the darlings," etc.) Be specific.
6) Complete this sentence: "Writing (or a writer) is/means/involves _________________."
- Respond to 4-8 questions
- Equal consideration is given
- 350 words per response
- Select questions that are most relevant to their experienc
- Do
- Select questions that are most applicable
- Keep it professional
- Use I and My statements
- Be concise but detailed
- Be honest
- Be cautious of your timeline
- Use a different topic for each question
- Do Not (Cut and paste common app essay)
- Be campus specific
- Use quotations or dialogue
- Use creative writing or literary devices
- Set the scene
- Restate the question
- Ask philosophical question
The Essay Process (50 pts. See due dates on board):
- Complete the brainstorming activities, personality tests, and workbooks/worksheets. See Advice for next year’s students. Do's and Don'ts. Read some sample essays. VOICE?
- Which colleges? What are the prompts? Common app? Do any essay prompts/ideas/topics overlap? If so, choose those?
- Read Authenticity articles, president essays, UC "San Leandro" essay, and samples and write down pros, cons, best lines, examples of authentic voice and grade each using a 1-6 scale (6 being the best). Which essay is the best out of all of them and why?
- Write your essays=RD#1-DOUBLE-SPACED with WORD COUNT. Peers respond to RD#1 with comments above (pros, cons, best line, etc).
- Write RD #2 with word count/double-spaced. Both essays should not exceed 1000 words total.
- Self-Edit Rd#2-KILL THE DARLINGS! IS THE BEST STRUCTURE? (SEE TYPES OF ESSAYS and THESIS STATEMENTS)="Earn your abstractions."-Metaphysical conceits start with the concrete.
- Write RD#3 with word count/double-spaced. Peer Edit/Response #2=24 questions. You must edit 4 essays x2. Write comments on the paper.
- How can this help you revise your essay? 1. Go through your essay and highlight the first sentence of each paragraph in bold. Then read the bolded lines aloud. As you read, you’ll probably notice that some parts make sense and some parts don’t. So: 2. Write a new outline in which all of the first sentences flow together like a mini-version of your essay. 3. Once you’ve written this new outline, paste the bolded lines onto a brand new blank document. Then: 4. Rewrite your paragraphs so that each paragraph fleshes out the topic sentence.Why do I suggest you paste the new outline onto a new document and start over? Because, in short, it’ll take longer if you don’t. Chances are you’ll have fallen in love with your first way of phrasing something. Once you’ve written the new outline, though, that old phrasing dies. And if you’re trying to create a new and living thing out of old, dead parts, you’re no better than Dr. Frankenstein. And we all know what happened to him. 5. Step away from the essay for at least thirty minutes. Go for a walk, get something to eat, do something else to clear your mind. Then come back to the essay and read it aloud. When you do: •Highlight the first sentence of each paragraph in bold. •Read the bolded sentences aloud in order to see if they now tell a short version of your essay. (If not, rewrite them.) If they do… •Read the whole essay aloud, checking to see if what’s in each paragraph supports the sentences in bold.
(Sawyer, Ethan. College Essay Essentials: A Step-by-Step Guide to Writing a Successful College Admissions Essay)
FINAL DRAFT DUE with the entire writing process in chronological order (brainstorm, drafts, editing, rewrites, rubrics, etc). The FINAL DRAFT must be graded by you with the 2 PDF rubrics below (COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY and APPLICATION RUBRICS). You must identify evidence in each essay to support your scores in each category. This means your final drafts will be annotated, color coded, highlighted, etc to cite evidence in the essays to support your score. - REFLECTION: You must answer the following 6 questions to explain/reflect on the entire process:
1) What did you discover through this process? What makes you most proud?
2) How did you improve as a writer? Explain with specific examples.
3) What areas in your writing still need work? What was the most difficult skill/concept to master?
4) What problem(s) did you have with your essays and how did you eventually fix it? Be specific.
5) How did reading other essays, grading other essays, and listening to advice from Mr. Varieur, this website, and others help you write a better essay (think voice, style, substance, credibility, structure, word limit, frame, lens, verbs, writing concisely, imitating, active vs passive, "killing the darlings," etc.) Be specific.
6) Complete this sentence: "Writing (or a writer) is/means/involves _________________."
Excellent Resources and Rubrics
Personal Statement Rubric and Rationale | |
File Size: | 25 kb |
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College Application Essay Rubric and Example | |
File Size: | 88 kb |
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application_rubric.pdf | |
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college_essays_by_college_presidents.pdf | |
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http://www.usnews.com/education/blogs/the-college-solution/2010/06/29/need-help-with-your-college-application-essays-ask-the-experts?int=96f308
http://askmssun.com/home/uc-personal-statement-know-how-part-i-show-not-tell/
http://collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/ss/College-Essay-Style-Tips.htm
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4
Link 5
Link 6
Link 7
EDITING to Improve Your Essay: "Killing the Darlings"
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/5-steps-revising-your-college-essay
Peer Review
Looking at Texts from a Readers POV | |
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selfedit_for_rd2.pdf | |
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UC Peer Response 2 | |
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College Essay Rubric | |
File Size: | 38 kb |
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Personal Statement Rubric | |
File Size: | 44 kb |
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More Ways to Invigorate Your Style:https://www.thoughtco.com/college-essay-style-tips-788402
Invigorating Style | |
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Action Verb List | |
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List of Strong Verbs | |
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said_synonyms.pdf | |
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synonyms_for_said.pdf | |
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Extreme Makeover Writing Edition | |
File Size: | 454 kb |
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Methods of Elaboration | |
File Size: | 35 kb |
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More Methods on Elaboration | |
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Sentence Types and Patterns | |
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Sentence Variety | |
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Transition Words | |
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Definitions of Voice | |
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When editing, make sure to pay careful attention to:
Substance | Structure | Interest | Proofreading
Substance refers to the content of the essay and the message you send out. It can be very hard to gauge in your own writing. One good way to make sure that you are saying what you think you are saying is to write down, briefly and in your own words, the general idea of your message. Then remove the introduction and conclusion from your essay and have an objective reader review what is left. Ask that person what he thinks is the general idea of your message. Compare the two statements to see how similar they are. This can be especially helpful if you wrote a narrative. It will help to make sure that you are communicating your points in the story. Here are some more questions to ask yourself regarding content.
- Have I answered the question asked?
- Do I back up each point that I make with an example? Have I used concrete and personal examples?
- Have I been specific? (Go on a generalities hunt. Turn the generalities into specifics.)
- Could anyone else have written this essay?
- What does it say about me? After making a list of all the words you have used within the essay -- directly and indirectly -- to describe yourself, ask: Does this list accurately represent me?
- Does the writing sound like me? Is it personal and informal rather than uptight or stiff?
- Regarding the introduction, is it personal and written in my own voice? Is it too general? Can the essay get along without it?
- What about the essay makes it memorable?
StructureTo check the overall structure of your essay, conduct a first-sentence check. Write down the first sentence of every paragraph in order. Read through them one after another and ask the following:
- Would someone who was reading only these sentences still understand exactly what I am trying to say?
- Do the first sentences express all of my main points?
- Do the thoughts flow naturally, or do they seem to skip around or come out of left field?
Now go back to your essay as a whole and ask these questions:
- Does each paragraph stick to the thought that was introduced in the first sentence?
- Does a piece of evidence support each point? How well does the evidence support the point?
Is each paragraph roughly the same length? Stepping back and squinting at the essay, do the paragraphs look balanced on the page? (If one is significantly longer than the rest, you are probably trying to squeeze more than one thought into it.)
Does my conclusion draw naturally from the previous paragraphs?
Have I varied the length and structure of my sentences?
InterestMany people think only of mechanics when they revise and rewrite their compositions. As we know, though, the interest factor is crucial in keeping the admissions officers reading and remembering your essay. Look at your essay with the interest equation in mind: personal + specific = interesting. Answer the following:
- Is the opening paragraph personal?
- Do I start with action or an image?
- Does the essay show rather than tell?
- Did I use any words that are not usually a part of my vocabulary? (If so, get rid of them.)
- Have I used the active voice whenever possible?
- Have I overused adjectives and adverbs?
- Have I eliminated clichés?
- Have I deleted redundancies?
- Does the essay sound interesting to me? (If it bores you, imagine what it will do to others.)
- Will the ending give the reader a sense of completeness? Does the last sentence sound like the last sentence?
ProofreadingWhen you are satisfied with the structure and content of your essay, it is time to check for grammar, spelling, typos, and the like. You can fix obvious things right away: a misspelled or misused word, a seemingly endless sentence, or improper punctuation. Keep rewriting until your words say what you want them to say. Ask yourself these questions:
- Did I punctuate correctly?
- Did I eliminate exclamation points (except in dialogue)?
- Did I use capitalization clearly and consistently?
- Do the subjects agree in number with the verbs?
- Did I place the periods and commas inside the quotation marks?
- Did I keep contractions to a minimum? Do apostrophes appear in the right places?
- Did I replace the name of the proper school for each new application?
- Have I caught every single typo? (You can use your spell-checker but make sure that you check and re-check every change it makes. It is a computer, after all.)
Read more: What to Look for When Revising http://www.infoplease.com/edu/collegebound/applying/lesson6_revising.html#ixzz3EoT08JIA
Substance | Structure | Interest | Proofreading
Substance refers to the content of the essay and the message you send out. It can be very hard to gauge in your own writing. One good way to make sure that you are saying what you think you are saying is to write down, briefly and in your own words, the general idea of your message. Then remove the introduction and conclusion from your essay and have an objective reader review what is left. Ask that person what he thinks is the general idea of your message. Compare the two statements to see how similar they are. This can be especially helpful if you wrote a narrative. It will help to make sure that you are communicating your points in the story. Here are some more questions to ask yourself regarding content.
- Have I answered the question asked?
- Do I back up each point that I make with an example? Have I used concrete and personal examples?
- Have I been specific? (Go on a generalities hunt. Turn the generalities into specifics.)
- Could anyone else have written this essay?
- What does it say about me? After making a list of all the words you have used within the essay -- directly and indirectly -- to describe yourself, ask: Does this list accurately represent me?
- Does the writing sound like me? Is it personal and informal rather than uptight or stiff?
- Regarding the introduction, is it personal and written in my own voice? Is it too general? Can the essay get along without it?
- What about the essay makes it memorable?
StructureTo check the overall structure of your essay, conduct a first-sentence check. Write down the first sentence of every paragraph in order. Read through them one after another and ask the following:
- Would someone who was reading only these sentences still understand exactly what I am trying to say?
- Do the first sentences express all of my main points?
- Do the thoughts flow naturally, or do they seem to skip around or come out of left field?
Now go back to your essay as a whole and ask these questions:
- Does each paragraph stick to the thought that was introduced in the first sentence?
- Does a piece of evidence support each point? How well does the evidence support the point?
Is each paragraph roughly the same length? Stepping back and squinting at the essay, do the paragraphs look balanced on the page? (If one is significantly longer than the rest, you are probably trying to squeeze more than one thought into it.)
Does my conclusion draw naturally from the previous paragraphs?
Have I varied the length and structure of my sentences?
InterestMany people think only of mechanics when they revise and rewrite their compositions. As we know, though, the interest factor is crucial in keeping the admissions officers reading and remembering your essay. Look at your essay with the interest equation in mind: personal + specific = interesting. Answer the following:
- Is the opening paragraph personal?
- Do I start with action or an image?
- Does the essay show rather than tell?
- Did I use any words that are not usually a part of my vocabulary? (If so, get rid of them.)
- Have I used the active voice whenever possible?
- Have I overused adjectives and adverbs?
- Have I eliminated clichés?
- Have I deleted redundancies?
- Does the essay sound interesting to me? (If it bores you, imagine what it will do to others.)
- Will the ending give the reader a sense of completeness? Does the last sentence sound like the last sentence?
ProofreadingWhen you are satisfied with the structure and content of your essay, it is time to check for grammar, spelling, typos, and the like. You can fix obvious things right away: a misspelled or misused word, a seemingly endless sentence, or improper punctuation. Keep rewriting until your words say what you want them to say. Ask yourself these questions:
- Did I punctuate correctly?
- Did I eliminate exclamation points (except in dialogue)?
- Did I use capitalization clearly and consistently?
- Do the subjects agree in number with the verbs?
- Did I place the periods and commas inside the quotation marks?
- Did I keep contractions to a minimum? Do apostrophes appear in the right places?
- Did I replace the name of the proper school for each new application?
- Have I caught every single typo? (You can use your spell-checker but make sure that you check and re-check every change it makes. It is a computer, after all.)
Read more: What to Look for When Revising http://www.infoplease.com/edu/collegebound/applying/lesson6_revising.html#ixzz3EoT08JIA
Dave Barry on College | |
File Size: | 138 kb |
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